week 5 ( sunday )

[subordinacy]

[He doesn't know what he's doing. Frankly, his mind is clouded as he goes through the motions—writing the note, handing it to Max. His words are as formal as ever: I'd like to request an audience.

... It's not info he's looking for this time, though.

And with that, he waits.]

Comments

[subordinacy]

... He made his decisions. They aren't your fault.

[feytality]

They aren't yours, either.

[subordinacy]

[...

He was in a position to talk him out of it, though. He tried, and he failed.

... And he was right there when Shinssin killed himself. He failed to stop that, too. Is it really not his fault?]

[feytality]

He made his decisions, remember? Even if you'd managed to stop that try in time --- he wanted to die. He would have found a way.

You can't blame yourself.

[subordinacy]

[He wants so badly to believe Maya. The desperation to forms a lump in his throat that he swallows down. Every instinct he has screams against it, though.

At the end of his life, and throughout this Game, he's been forced to reevaluate his life. He was taught so many things (taught so many things to hate about himself, really), and now that he's realized that it was—well, abuse, he no longer knows how true they or they weren't.

Who is right, and who is wrong?

Again, Setz doesn't say anything, instead curling into himself further.]

[feytality]

Sekreuz. Look at me.

[ she waits until he does, touching his shoulder lightly. ]

You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. It isn't your fault.

[ it's with an uncharacteristically firm-but-gentle maya tone. ]

[subordinacy]

[... It's not something he can accept easily. His feelings towards Nil back home are admittedly a little more... hate-filled (though it's perhaps odd; when he thinks on it, Nil and Shinssin aren't that different), but it's essentially the same thing. Setz has to go back and, figuratively or literally, knock him onto a better path. It doesn't matter if Nil doesn't yet want that for himself.]

... Still, I should've seen this coming. I did, in a way...

[feytality]

It doesn't mean you could have stopped it. His mind was already made up --- he was convinced he had nothing left, that all he could do was try to take Akira down with him.

There was nothing you could have done.

[subordinacy]

... That he felt like he had nothing left, though...

[feytality]

It wasn't true. He always had you.

[ ... ]

He just couldn't see that.

[subordinacy]

Then...

[Isn't that a failing on Setz's part?]

[feytality]

Then..... that was his mistake. Not yours.

[ she offers him her hand, but since he'll probably just stare at it instead of holding it, after a few moments she'll take his and give it a gentle squeeze. ]

[subordinacy]

[Maya knows him so well.

Instead, he'll stare at their joined hands.]

[feytality]

[ setz: what the fuck is a hand. ]

[ anyway she's going to leave their hands like that, twining her fingers into his. ]

His mistake, not yours.

[ once more for emphasis. ]

[subordinacy]

[what is a hand????]

... Are you able to speak with him, wherever the Erased are?

[feytality]

[ "what the fuck is this thing in my arm" - sekreuz, 2018 ]

... Yeah. But, to be honest, I don't know if he'd want to see me.

[ if he knew. ]

[subordinacy]

... Mm. I don't think he'd take it well. But... he might deserve to know the truth.

[a beat]

After he's reunited with Eleanor and the others.

[feytality]

[ she actually looks a little fucking guilty, wow. ]

.... Yeah.

I think most people will hate me if they find out. I'm surprised that you don't.

[subordinacy]

... I was angry. But it's not the worst thing a person could do.

[It's fine, Setz is used to being surrounded by much shittier people.]

[feytality]

[ now she seems a little surprised. ]

Was?

[subordinacy]

... Next to Jacopo and Shinssin...

[Hmm.]

[feytality]

.... I guess that's fair. You really gotta make some better friends.

[ she's not convinced she deserves forgiveness, though. he's not the only self-deprecating mofo around here. ]

Say, Setz, why did you want to meet with me? I thought you'd be asking me more questions by now.

[subordinacy]

[... Oh.

Um.

He's falling quiet again.]

[feytality]

[ ....? ]

Did I say something wrong?

[subordinacy]

I... don't really have any questions this time...